5 Of Our Favourite Christian Jokes
By Karyn Markwell | 28-Jul-08 in Current Events
Joke #1
A man dies and is met by Peter at the pearly gates.
Peter says, ‘You need 100 points to make it into Heaven. Tell me all of the good things you’ve done and I’ll give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in.’
‘Okay,’ the man says, ‘I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart.’
‘That’s wonderful,’ says Peter, ‘that’s worth three points!’
‘Three points?’ the man exclaims. ‘Well, I attended church all of my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service.’
‘Terrific!’ says Peter, ‘that’s certainly worth a point.’
‘One point? OK, well I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for the homeless.’
‘Fantastic, that’s good for two more points,’ Peter says.
‘TWO POINTS!’ the man cries. ‘At this rate, the only way I’ll get into Heaven is by the Grace of God!’
‘Come on in!’
Joke #2
A pastor was completing a sermon on abstaining from drinking alcohol.
With great expression, he said, ‘If I had all of the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.’
With even greater emphasis, he said, ‘And if I had all of the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.’
And then finally, he thundered, ‘And if I had all of the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.’
The church was silent. Not a single congregant made a sound.
The music leader then stood up hesitantly and said, ‘For our closing song, let us sing the hymn “Shall We Gather at the River.”’
Joke #3
One Sunday morning, a pastor announced to his congregation: ‘Friends, I have here in my hands three sermons: a $100 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes and a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour.
‘Now, we’ll take the offering and see which one I’ll deliver.’
Joke #4
A pastor who was known for his lengthy sermons noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service.
Afterwards, the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
‘I went to get a haircut,’ the man replied.
‘Why didn’t you do that before the service?’ the pastor exclaimed.
‘Well,’ the man said, ‘because I didn’t need one then.’
Joke #5
A pastor visited his church members one afternoon.
At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even when the pastor knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote ‘Revelation 3:20’ on the back and stuck it on the front door.
‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me.’ (Rev 3:20)
After the next church service, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the pastor’s note was scribbled ‘Genesis 3:10’.
‘I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself. (Gen 3:10)
We would love to hear any other Christian Jokes you may have, so please post them in the comments!
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Good post, how about this one. Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
Hi Joel, it's great; thanks for sharing. Let's keep the jokes coming! Karyn