How Can I Avoid Coming Across As Desperate?

‘I have the habit of getting attached too quickly to some guy. It’s usually a guy that has shown interest in me at church. But as soon as I show interest back, they run – and that leaves me feeling confused. It’s happened to me a few times. I’m friendly and like to chat but at the same time, when I’m around a guy that I like, I fall to pieces. Are there signs that one could show desperation and if so, what could they be?’

There are few things as off-putting in the dating game as someone who comes across as desperate to be noticed, desperate for a date, desperate to get married and have kids! We may not always know when we are coming across a bit too strongly, but others will.

Here are some things that you should definitely avoid doing, in order not to come across as desperate:

• Don’t make up anything about yourself, just to get to know the other person. Not only does this dishonor God by breaking the ninth commandment, but you will almost certainly get caught out and your integrity will be shattered. It definitely comes across as desperate and insecure when you lie in order to get noticed
• Another common mistake that people make when trying to get noticed by a member of the opposite sex, is demonstrating behavior in their presence that is obviously designed to attract their notice. This can include dressing in a provocative or attention-grabbing way, keeping yourself positioned in their view, looking over at them very frequently, and talking loudly so that they might overhear what you’re saying. You most likely won’t feel comfortable when you’re acting this way, and people – including the person that you’re hoping to attract – will notice your discomfort and insecurity
• Make sure that you don’t stare constantly at the other person. This will make them feel awkward and embarrassed and on their guard – which is hardly conducive for trying to attract them. This goes for when you’re on the other side of the room, as well as when you’re having a conversation with him or her. It’s good to look at them while you’re talking – this shows that you’re interested in what they’re saying – but keep the glances light. Don’t stare

It can be difficult to modify your behaviour when you’re infatuated with someone, but in order to come across as someone who they’re likely to want to get to know better, you need to make sure that you don’t come across as desperate. Be honest with them and respect them enough to give them some space.

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