How Can I Overcome Being Pressured To Marry?

‘I’m being pressured by almost everyone I know to marry, to settle down and to have kids. But it’s not part of what I have planned for my life – at least in the short term. How can I overcome being pressured to marry and have kids?’ R

There is the expectation in our society, particularly amongst Christians, that everybody’s desire is to marry as young as possible and start a family. Those people who have other plans or inclinations are often regarded with suspicion and if they’re Christian, their dedication to God may be questioned. Among married couples, there’s the unspoken expectation that the father of the family will go to work every day while the mother stays home to raise the children. When a couple chooses to wait for a few years before starting a family, or when the wife focuses on a career outside of the home and there is no sign of any children on the way, the couple may receive criticism.

How can we best address this issue?

Well, the Bible teaches that God’s ideal for men and women is to marry and have children. God knows that solid families are the foundation of society. The Bible teaches that marriage between a man and a woman is a ‘type’ of Christ’s relationship with the church. God-honouring marriage is self-sacrificial, just as Christ sacrificed Himself on the cross so that we might live. For the married Christian couple, children are a blessing from God.

Yet at the same time, it’s important to remember that it’s not sinful if we don’t marry and if we don’t have children. Christ Himself was a man without sin but He never married and had children.

Marriage and families may be God’s ideal, but they’re not a requirement for salvation.

It can be difficult to overcome the pressure to marry and start a family, especially when it’s people who we love, such as our parents and friends and our church family, who are placing pressure on us. But we’ll usually discover that it’s happily married people with children who pressure us to marry and have children as well – and the reason is often because they’ve been blessed in their relationships and they genuinely want the same for us because they love us.

When we consider that the people who place pressure on us mean well (even if they unknowingly cause us pain or distress) and when we accept that we’re not sinning simply because we haven’t had the opportunity or inclination to marry and start a family, it becomes easier to handle their comments in a spirit of love.

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