What Can I Do When I Feel Unloved?

‘My family doesn’t want to know me. I have very few friends. I used to go to church but the people there treated me differently. I have given up hope now, as no one loves me at all.’

This question is complex and raises several issues which we need to address in turn:

• ‘My family doesn’t want to know me’

We must honestly examine why our families may not want to know us. Did a breach occur in the past that hasn’t been healed? If so, what steps can we take toward healing this breach? If we are harbouring any resentment or unforgiveness towards our family, then the first steps toward reconciliation must start with us. We must be quick to forgive and slow to take offence.

• ‘I have very few friends’

God wants us to have friendships with others. We don’t have to be Mr or Ms Popularity, but it’s healthy to have a few close friends who invest into our lives (and whose lives we invest into in return). It’s a good idea to examine whether we have difficulty making friends, or in keeping them, or both. That will give us a clue as to why others may not want to become close to us.

• ‘I used to go to church but the people there treated me differently. I have given up hope now, as no one loves me at all’

As fallen people living in a fallen world, Christians will never be perfect. Even within God-honouring, Bible-believing churches, there may be people who are so obsessed with their own hang-ups that they ignore the needs of others. But we can’t give up. The devil wants us to believe that no one loves us. But Christ died so that we might live. Just because Christ’s followers aren’t perfect doesn’t mean that Christ Himself isn’t perfect. He hears our sorrow and our anguish and He wants to have a relationship with all of us.

Here are some practical steps that we can take if we feel that no one loves us:

• Firstly, we need to get right with God. We do this by confessing our sins and accepting His forgiveness. We can then go forward in His strength and assurance that He loves us
• Secondly, we need to forgive others who have hurt us and ask for their forgiveness as well wherever necessary. Doing both of these things can be difficult, which is why we need God’s strength first of all
• Finally, we need to be patient. It may take years or months to restore broken relationships and to create new ones. In the meantime, we must soak ourselves in God’s Word and live our lives in a way that is honouring and obedient to Him

The most important thing to remember is that with Christ as our Lord and Saviour, we’ll never feel unloved again.

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